In the Flow?

Just starting to get it... maybe.

What my wife experiences. (Image found on the Internet.)

For all who are led by the Spirit of G*d are children of G*d.

Romans 8.14 (NRSVue)

My wife calls it being “in the flow.” That is, one who’s smack-dab in the middle of what the Spirit of G*d is doing in one’s life. This is quite normal for her. She’s told me on more than one occasion that she has to “turn it off” because it’s just too much to take in. For me? I don’t live there like she does. In fact, my instances of being “in the flow” are … well … few and far between. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she’s spent her life learning how to listen to G*d’s Spirit — of “practicing the presence of G*d.” I, on the other hand, have spent mine in theological studies — church history, christology, eschatology, Celtic Christianity, etc. In this regard, I’m more cerebral, while she’s more experiential. And I think that’s part of what makes us such a fantastic team — if we listen to one another. Either one of us can get too far down our own paths that we forget that the other path is important, too. Theology is great, but how’s it lived out? And experience is wonderful, but how does it line up with the traditions of the Church?¹ Without the other, we can both veer off into some deep rough that’s not beneficial to anyone.

Recently, though, I’ve seen a little of what she experiences.

As I wrote about in my post, “Is Hal Jordan Right?,” I discovered a tool to help me battle the monster of unworthiness and depression. The pain of rejection — magnified, multiplied, and intensified over the years — is part of what makes me who I am.

At the same time, I just “talked” to my “younger self” during closing prayer the other night. I’ve never done this before as it always sounded rather silly to me. I won’t say I was “moved” by the Spirit (maybe I was), but that night, it felt quite natural. I told “him” that it’s going to be okay. That the pain he feels, while seemingly unbearable, would be bearable if he doesn’t bottle it up inside. That if he talks with someone about how he’s feeling, he’ll realize that he is lovable. Those people were just children, too, like him. That he can take that pain and make it so that others won’t have to feel like that. That he can love others and see the good in them. Not from a distance, but up close. He can be confident in who he is because he’s worthy of love.

And just yesterday, I was watching an episode of Wonder Man (it’s highly recommended). It’s episode 6, titled, “Callback.” And —

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

— there’s a scene where Trevor (played by the incomparable, Sir Ben Kingsley) tells the antagonist, Simon (played by the equally incredible, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II), that the “real” him isn’t his “condition,” but his hurts, joys, the pain he’s caused others, and the pain he’s suffered from people he loves. That his job isn’t to “act” but to “hold up a mirror to nature” so that the audience sees that they’re not alone. That none of us are alone.

If you’re reading this, and you’re feeling like no one will ever understand, that no one has ever experienced what you’ve experienced, please hear this:

You are not alone.

There are others who’ve felt what you’re feeling. Many, many people have gone through what you’re going through. Some of us have come out the other side not so well — we’ve turned to addictions of all sorts (heck, my addiction since … well … forever was “doing church” but then became other things), and others of us have turned out far better. The point is, we have to talk with each other — walk with each other. We have to be vulnerable enough to be “real” with one another and, more importantly, with ourselves. It’s not healthy to bury it all. It’s really not. It can steal one’s entire life away. I know, it almost did mine. So, please. Please. Find someone to talk to. A true, trusted friend. A minister. A therapist. Go to a 12-step meeting. Get a sponsor. Work the program. Hold up that mirror to show yourself and the world that you’re not alone. We have each other. We need each other. And, most importantly, we have G*d’s Spirit within us and with us and around us (Acts 17.28).

Can get through the fire

If I go with you

There’s no other way through

U2 (2023). “Where the Streets Have No Name.” Songs of Surrender.

~~~

In the Love of the Three in One,

Br. Jack+, LC

1. While I’m not too concerned about this — I have been labeled a heretic more than once — I still think it’s important to weigh what one experiences with the overall history of Church teaching. And, if G*d wills, challenge the Church where it needs changing.